…..Is in dire need for scripts to be turned into…..at least a decent watchable…..entertaining flick…..because they have to be kidding us….. shit that’s being released now days……really?…..like to for instance…..
COCAINE BEAR……A group of cops, tourists, teenagers and……of course they have to add the bad guys….are hanging out in the forest….and run into a 500 pound bear…..that snorted up a shit load of coke…..and they expect you to sit through 1:35 minutes of Smokey the Bear….tweaking on coke…..and terrorizing people…..uh, sure…..so what’s the follow-up film to this one?……Crackhead Crocodile?…..next we have…..
SCREAM VI…..I guess they thought we weren’t smart enough to realize….that a dude who’s into Goth fashions, failed culinary school but is still into knives…..has serious people issues…..when they forced the….first, and the second…..and the third ones on us…..give it a rest…..we got it ok?…..now this one is a real doozy……
65…..And Adam Driver is in it……and he’s a space traveller…..who winds up travelling 65 million years…..back into the past…..and yep, you guessed it…..dinosaurs are in the picture….and he has to do the whole kill, survive or become a T-Rex taco…..and just for a twist……one the film world has never thought of…..he has to save a little girls life……how original…..and while someone was asleep at the wheel……they came up with……
CHILDREN OF THE CORN……As if the first time they made this film wasn’t bad enough…..they want us to sit through this bad idea again…..at least they were politically correct to cast a young Black girl….who’s skin is just as bright as the White kids in the film…..anyway,…..
UNWELCOME…..This takes place in Ireland…..where Maya and Jamie escape their urban nightmare…..for the tranquillity of rural Ireland….only to discover malevolent, murderous goblins lurking in the gnarled…..ancient woods at the foot of their new garden…..oh yummy…..murderous goblins……you have to admit……goblins and that sick Irish Leprechaun are pretty cool……because they fuck you up…..talk about a Best Picture nomination…..
SCREAM THERAPY…..I’ll let you figure out the plot line to this one……I have to refill my coffee cup……and finally……
BABYLON…..Which is total chaotic madness……you wouldn’t even understand…..and a hit of LSD wouldn’t help either……so that’s what you have to look forward to watching in the future….now let’s get to the great masterpiece…..
WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY…..Oh this is an Oscar winner……Christopher Robin is heading off to college….and decides to dis his old friends….Pooh and Piglet…..and trust me, they are not amused…..because it leads them to embrace their inners monsters…..and they go on a rampage of killing the usual…..young stupid party type suburban White chicks…..the ones who don’t heed the message written on the window that says….. “GET OUT!”…..this film would make…..Freddy Kruger, Mike Myers and Chucky say….. “Yeah boy, I feel ya!”…..do me a favor……
TRY A FEW WHO GOT IT RIGHT….……Pathaan…….Alice, Darling……Sharper….Saint Omer…..Holy Spider……Empire of Light….Narvik…..Whina…..The Pale Blue Eye……