….A man says to his wife… “What would you do if I won the lottery?”……wife replies…. “Take half and leave your ass”……husband replies… “Good, I won 12 dollars, here is 6 now get out.”
I FOUND THIS LETTER GOING AROUND….AND I WANT TO ADDRESS IT TO DONALD TRUMP…..Yo Donnie…..when you say “let’s make America great again” what period of history are you talking about?……when we were a British colony with unfair taxes?…..when we burnt women at the stake because we thought they were witches?…..when we basically wiped out the Native-American population?…..when we practiced slavery?…..when women and minorities couldn’t vote?…..when we ignored the Holocaust?……when we placed Japanese-Americans in camps?…..when we dropped two atomic bombs on Japan?……when we sent thousands of our men to Vietnam to fight and die under false pretenses?…..or when we did the same in Iraq 12 years ago and are still doing it today?…..when you say you’re going to bomb the families of ISIS?…..but that doesn’t bother you…..even if it is considered a war crime……what kind of America do you foresee us returning to when you say that exactly?
KNIFE REPORTEDLY FOUND ON FORMER O.J. SIMPSON PROPERTY IS BEING TESTED BY LAPD…..People just can’t let things go…..and I know some of you are saying…..finally.….see I told you….told what?…..there are a million reasons as to how that blade wound up there……someone tossed it….it was planted…it dropped out of someone’s pocket…..somebody stabbed someone and tossed it…..and I’ll say this again…..did O.J. do it..…NO!…..why?…..because it was two people he would have to take down…..and Goldman was trained in the martial arts……and I was at a party during the 70’s ….sitting next to Jack Tatum..…who was one of the baddest defensive back for the Oakland Raiders…..and when O.J. walked in..….he called him a ..… “punk-ass sissy”….and if anyone would know…..he would..…because he played against him…..anyway,…..now could he have hired some people to do it..….yes!…….and could it have been because of Nicole’s drug habit.…maybe.….but in the long run……it doesn’t matter what the police find….because of two words……double jeopardy!
CANADA’S TRUDEAU SAYS AMERICANS SHOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT THE WORLD….Me being an American living outside the box…..I totally agree with him.….due to the fact…and I’m quoting someone else here.…. “Americans are often found to be the most ignorant population in the developed world. Contrary to trends elsewhere, the rate of foreign language study by college students in the United States is declining, not increasing”…..Trudeau said..… “Just start with Canada, that place a lot of Americans are starting to see as a safe haven”….as for college…it’s a shame when a majority of students do not even know who the Vice President of the United States is…..but they can tell you the last time Kim Kardashian had a pimple popped on her butt.
TRY SMOKING A JOINT WITH YOUR NEXT GLASS OF WINE….Huh?….ah ok….this stoner came up with a new word called.….Ganjier….and yeah he was probably high when he did it..…anyway,.…it’s supposed to play off the word..…Sommelier..…and it means having that knowledge of cannabis at a high level….huh?….anyway….oh, here’s another one..…Cannasseur.….still high folks…..and this refers to someone who enjoys, and is very well versed in, the flavors and the experience of marijuana…..one who can evaluate the drug,.…whatever Joe…..but I can tell you this….some of my friends and I will admit .….we know the difference between Mexican Dirt Weed….Maui Wowiee….Acapulco Gold…Jamaican Red….Panama….Chunky Black….Purple Hairs….Skunk Weed….and AK-47…….NEXT!
TWO-YEAR-OLD CALLS 911 WITH A WARDROBE EMERGENCY, KIND DEPUTY HELPS HER PUT HER PANTS ON…..So cute…..the little girl called the Greenville County dispatch.….the dispatcher couldn’t really understand her so she called the sheriff’s department and asked them to stop by the house…..Aaliyah’s grandfather answered the door with a shocked look on his face…..because he had no clue the little girl had called anyone…..let alone the police…..then Aaliyah came running out with half a pant leg on and said hi…..and since the deputy has two little sisters of her own…..she understood the situation.….so she sat her down on the stairs and helped her get her other leg into the pants…..and then helped her with her shoes….as a reward….Aaliyah gave her a hug….officer Martha Lohnes said.… “It was the highlight of my day and I loved it.”
MAN TAKES SELFIES WITH A GUN AND FATALLY SHOOTS HIMSELF…..Dumbass!
MOTHER INVOICES HER SON 21,000 POUNDS AFTER HE MOVES IN FOR A YEAR…..I love this woman…..a mother in Ontario has presented her son a bill of close to $40,000 bucks…..charging him with various services he’s taken advantage of while living with her…..this itemized bill includes…..a $ 1,000 charge…for being an asshole…..$600 for cleaning.….$1,037 for water…..and a huge $18,000 for using the internet…..you should see this bill..…it’s all over the net……gas bill, education, health benefits, cable bill, food, specialty meals, prescriptions…..this kid must’ve been a real lazy pain in the ass for her to do something like this…..but later she said this was meant as a joke….and she wasn’t expecting any payment…..still the message got through to her son…because he wrote….. “This was a very effective parenting technique and it helped me to realize what an entitled little shit I have been.”
NEW MEXICO CITY TO HOST “DONKEY BASEBALL” GAME.….And no…..the Donkeys are not playing baseball..…really people..…you thought that?……anyway,….Wisconsin based Dairyland Donkey Ball have invited Alamogordo Police Department..…and the U.S. Border Patrol to a friendly game of baseball while riding Donkeys…..the rules are like regular baseball.….but with a few twist…..the fielders are all on Donkeys…..they are allow to get off the Donkey to pick up the ball…..but they have to get back on to throw it…..when you think about it.….it sounds pretty cool and a lot of fun….definitely a family, good friends day….and yes I can see y’all out there on a Donkey……and we’ll probably laugh at each other all day….and clean up Donkey shit!