random thoughts running around in their head…..while taking a shower…..here are a few….
You don’t realize how strong your legs are until you try to do a handstand
If a professional athlete goes to jail, is he a pro and a con?
When will we live in a world where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned for their motives?
Paris Hilton was really just the prototype of Kim Kardashian.
It seems like the average person believes they are smarter than the average person
Narcissus would probably be thrilled to hear that he has a flower and a psychological condition named after him.
Everyone always thinks about how if someone were to change something small in the past it would cause a huge change in the present, but no one thinks about how a small change in the present might change the future
If everyone no longer sneezed, how long would it take the world to find out
If a minor breaks a bottle of alcohol in a store, will he have to buy it?
Kama Sutra is basically human LEGO instructions / diagrams.
How do you spell the sound of a sniff
When you cough or sneeze in a public place…..you are the disgusting person from the commercials
If life is a circle. It’s pointless
If the Earth was flat, then why haven’t the cats pushed everything off by now?
Fleeing the police is like choosing the double or nothing option
Prince Charles is nearly 5 years older than the UK retirement age, and he’s not even started the job he was born to do
Cavemen, from birth to death, never had to know what it felt like to hold a pee in for an uncomfortable amount of time
Good morning is a greeting, but good night is a farewell even if you see a person for the first time at night
Advertisements for reading glasses should be blurred slightly
A dead human being is a human been.
Tomorrow, on the Today Show, they will discuss yesterday.
Sleeping is just a really long blink
Humans are able to hit a 98 mile an hour fastball, yet we still can’t aim when the toilet seat is down.
PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE….Did Uncle Ben Carson really say….. “Illegal immigrants caught voting should be stripped of their citizenship”…..come on,….this is a joke right?…..there’s a French film…..I can’t remember the name right now…..anyway,.…it’s a film about the insane taking over the asylum……and there’s something else I can’t remember……is it..…art imitates life..…or life imitates art?…..because there are some serious insane people running around…..inside 1600 Penn. Ave in D.C.
U.S. MEN’S OLYMPIC HOCKEY TEAM INCLUDES FIRST BLACK PLAYER IN 98-YEAR HISTORY….Wonderful……right in time for Black History Month…..in case you didn’t know…..we’ve been playing hockey for a very long time.….up in the Nova Scotia area…..some historians say we invented the game..….but that’s another conversation.….anyway,….Jordan Greenway…..damn.….is 6 feet 5…..and weighs 238 pounds…..he’s the biggest dude on the squad…..he’s huge…..we didn’t play hockey in my old hood.….he grew up in suburbia…..Canton, New York…..if you want to call it that..…but if they had introduced it back in the day…..and we grew up playing hockey……and baseball, football, basketball, etc…..it would definitely be a completely different game.….skating..…roller skating…..not much of a big difference.….except for the ice…..you have sticks…..you can knock someone on their ass.….checking, blocking..…blind siding.….that’s football…..and you can fight?…..now that’s hood versus hood…..school versus school…..talk about some serious ankle-breaking moves….and score…..hockey would not be hockey..…it would’ve had a whole ‘nother flavor to the game…..a combination of Mad Max Rollerball..…big up’s man for making history!…..now if you really want to see a sport change…..introduce some brothers to handball.
YES, THE NORTH POLE IS WARMER THAN EUROPE RIGHT NOW…..No shit…..you want to know how cold it is in Hamburg right now…..if you go outside….see someone you know.….and smile.….your entire face will crack…..walk down the street and 30 seconds later…..your forehead is an ice cube…..it snowed in Rome…..weather doesn’t do that in Rome.….climate change scientists are saying exceptional weather patterns may indicate even worse events to come..…and they’re saying this.….weird weather may last for the next two to three weeks..…they’re calling this weather pattern..… “The Beast from the East”…..all due to a stratospheric warming happening around 30 kilometers over the North Pole…..and it’s whipping our butts.….-6c to -20c is our norm…..it’s 10:43 in the morning.….and it’s -19 outside.
MOON TO GET FIRST MOBIL PHONE NETWORK…..Why?…..can we use it to call someone up there?…..and since Vodafone is joint funding the project.….will Nicole and I get a discount?…..someone knows something…..we don’t know…..about…..up there?…..we haven’t been to the moon in 50 years….if we were there at all (or on the outskirts of Vegas)….and now they want to make it easier….for ET to phone home?…..who are you going to call?
WOMAN DIVORCES HER HUSBAND AFTER HE REFUSES TO BUY HER A SHAWARMA…..Which is a type of sandwich you can munch on in Egypt…..she went off in court…..he don’t want to go out…..he checks to see how much food is being eaten…..once she ate a piece of bread while he was a work…..he told her she could only eat rice for the rest of the week…..and after 40 days of marriage..…they finally did go for a night on the town…..and he wouldn’t even buy his wife a damn sammich…..she told the judge.…. “My husband is too stingy to speak. When I ask him to talk to me, I end up talking to myself most of the time”….now that’s stingy!….she said to hell with this, filed for a divorce, moved back in with her parents……and said she couldn’t go on living with her “sick” husband……I’m out of here.