….You go Santa!
LOBSTERS ARE BIOLOGICALLY IMMORTAL….Not when you introduce it to a pot of boiling water.
YEMENI CHILD BRIDE, EIGHT DIES ON WEDDING NIGHT….Of internal bleeding from having intercourse….her husband was five times her age….so far the authorities are doing nothing about it….the women are pissed.
SPICE GIRLS REUNION…..Oh please no!
NEW YORK WOMAN LEAVES $100,000 TO HER CHIHUAHUA….I hope it knows how to use an ATM machine.
GERMANY’S REFUGEE POLICY TESTED BY NEW ARRIVALS….They’re talking about the new Syrians..…all 5,000 of them….one person said; “How come their Arabs neighbor’s won’t take them?”….oh, you mean Libya, Lebanon, Tunisia….or Israel?……then again you could ask, “How come other European Nations won’t take them….oh, you mean, Spain, Italy, Greece, France, Romania, Bulgaria…..because except for France everyone else is broke and France has their own immigration problems.
8-FOOT CROCODILE FOUND JUST HANGING OUT UNDER POOR GUY’S BED…..Lord have mercy….can you imagine (early in the morning) looking under your bed for the other shoe and wind up looking into the eyes of a 8-foot Crocodile?….yeah, you damn right you’re awake now!
WOMAN THREW POOP IN PARKING OFFICER’S FACE OVER TICKET, CLAIMED SHE WAS RACIALLY PROFILED….Only in Hoboken, New Jersey!
MAN JAILED FOR ATTACKING MOSQUE WITH A PACKAGE OF BACON…..Only in Scotland!
ADVENTUROUS FOOD BLOGGER COOKS WITH CAT FOOD, TOOTHPASTE AND GRASS…..Only in Scotland again!
DONATIONS FOR HONEST MAN TOPS $100,000….For those of you who do not know this story….a man living on the streets of Boston found a backpack containing $40,000 in cash and traveler’s checks..…so he gave it to the police….Ethan Whittington heard about the story and organized a fundraiser for him….donations are coming in from Europe, Asia, Australia, South America and the US as well….they said it could hit $250,000 and more..…now wasn’t it nice to be able to read a happy story for once?
ELITE TEAM OF RESEARCHERS PLOTS ONE-WAY TRIP TO JUPITER’S ICE MOON EUROPA TO LOOK FOR ALIENS…..What’s with all the one-way trips lately?……so, the plan is…..they’re gonna waste money on a one-way trip to look for aliens right?….and if they find a few…..they don’t plan on coming back and telling us?…..what in the hell is the point?….. “Stupid Study People”……when you find some I hope they eat you…..save the money and go to Walmart!
WOMAN YELLS “GUN” INSIDE MOVIE THEATRE AFTER MAN URINATES ON TEENAGER….Not the word you want to hear in a dark room with over 200 people in it.
IN EVERY CITY AND STATE I HAVE VISITED, THE JAILS HAVE BECOME THE DE FACTO MENTAL INSTITUTIONS…..And this was said by….Esteban Gonzalez – President of the American Jail Association, an organization for jail employees.
COLORADO COUNTIES VIE TO BECOME FEDERAL DRONE ZONES…..What did Regina King say in “Enemy of the State?”…… “Well who is going to monitor the monitors?”
AMERICANS ARE STILL MOVING WAY LESS THAN THEY USED TO…..My brother gave me the best advice during my “On the road again” days…..he said; “If you can’t carry it – you don’t need it.”
WHY I’M A RUNNER…..And why I’m not…..NEXT!