….Wow, the Republican Party is really getting desperate to get back in the White House.
WOULD YOU LIKE CANNABIS MAYO WITH YOUR FRIES…..Gotta give it to the Dutch!
MAN USED STOLEN EXCAVATOR TO TAKE ATM….I guess he forgot his pin number.
REPUBLICANS ARE UP IN ARMS OVER JAY-Z’S TRIP TO CUBA….Awwww….they’re still mad because the mob couldn’t open casinos and big business couldn’t have off-shore banks….get over it…..I want to go to Cuba too….blame that chicken shit Batista…..not Castro!
BETHENNY FRANKEL ON DIVORCE: IT’S THE MOST DIFFICULT THING YOU COULD EVER GO THROUGH…..Well I heard giving birth was no walk in the park…..Carol Burnett said it was like this; “Grab your bottom lip and try to pull it over your head”.
FIRE IN NIGHTCLUB KILLS HUNDREDS IN BRAZIL…Fireworks….inside a night club?…..that makes about as much sense as joining a Nudist Colony and not taking your clothes off……one exit for over a 1000+ people.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LAGER BEER AND AN ALE BEER?…..After four or five of them who gives a shit???
ASTEROID STREAKS NEAR EARTH…..That wasn’t an asteroid…..that was a few aliens riding by in their Chevy “Low-roid-er” and decided to do a drive-by and bust a cap on Russia…..what they were saying is this…”Yo, humans. You better git yo shit togetha or were coming back….and next time I’m bringing my whole crew.”
SERENA WILLIAMS BECOMES OLDEST WORLD NUMBER ONE PLAYER….Since when did 31 become old?
GUY ALLEGEDLY GETS RACIST AND SLAPS CRYING BABY ON DELTA FLIGHT….If he’d slapped my child…..he would’ve never heard the pilot say, “Please fasten your seatbelts because we are about to land.”
WORLD’S OLDEST MARATHONER RETIRES AT 101….I give him props because I’m 56 and I can’t even run around the block.
PA. GIRL DEFENDS HER CATHOLIC FOOTBALL LEAGUE PLAY…Now over 100,000 parents have signed a petition agreeing with her…..the Church thinks it’s a “Boys” game…..she’s been playing football since she was 5 years old…..she knows she won’t be able to compete with the boys when she attends High School but she wants to play until then….I think the Catholic Church has other things to worry about when it comes to children.
WITH PASSOVER APPROACHING A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS DECENDS UPON EGYPT…..Hmmm, didn’t that happen before?
OBERLIN CANCELS CLASSES AFTER A SERIES OF HATE-RACE INCIDENTS…..Yeah, I would too if someone is showing up wearing a KKK outfit near the Afrikan Heritage House while racist and anti-gay messages are being left around campus…..oh, and did I forget to mention the Swastikas and the “N” word being painted around campus?
WHY DO ITALIANS LIVE LONGER THAN US….Because Naples makes the best mozzarella cheese and pizza, Rome is the best place for cafes, bars and night clubs, Tuscany is one of the most beautiful areas in the world, Sicily is an amazing historical Island, Livorno and Reggio Calabria have stunning sunsets, the food is excellent in Italy and dinner can last anywhere from 5 to 7 hours because the Italians take their time and enjoy life!
J-LO WANTS HER KIDS TO GET INTO $31,000 A YEAR PRIVATE SCHOOL IN LA….Wouldn’t it be a shame if her kids still grew up stupid.